Hello... I got to stay out last night and I'm going back to camp soon. I was watching A Lot Like Love during my night's out yesterday and Da Kai called me saying that PC Shane needed photographs that were taken overseas. So I got to come home. They turned us out at 4:30am in the morning. It was quite an experience but spoilt by my stupid stomachache. UIP has officially ended for us. So the privileges like nights out and canteen breaks have started. But with it also comes responsibilities (read: Extras). They've posted me to the CCIS platoon which means I'll be spending more time in the labs instead of my bunk. Haha! But I think I'm gonna enjoy my life there. At least the superiors are less capricious.

I'd like to explore the possibilities but for now I must wait. Not by choice but what is a guy to do?

I'm booking at 1pm in the afternoon. To attend a funeral of a warrent officer that I do not know. I don't mean to be cold-hearted but doesn't he have his own friends? Whats the logic behind sending a platoon of men to fill up space? Then again, where's the logic of being in SAF?

The temptation to drop everything and 'run away' is increasing. Its been on the back of my mind alot lately. In the army, I can ride on reputation, and the power of the chevron or the 3 stripes as its known in SAF. Not that I do... But I can. However in church, a leader is defined by a very different standard. People can 'smell' if you're genuine or not. And to be honest... I don't think I've been very genuine these few weeks.

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are a Newborn Soul

You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance. On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others. You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative. Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you. Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter. You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything. You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships. Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

We had Andy's farewell celebration today. We had a surprise for him and some of us went up to thank him for his contributions as a youth worker. I wish I could have phrased my words in a better way that could really show my gratitude. But I tried my best. It really moved me to see the collection of pictures of XS events and activities that Andy has organised. It made me realise what a great impact he has made in not just my life, but the lives of many in XS. And so, a new episode of XS has begun. Dear God, don't let me screw it up.

Life has been taking a few twists and turns lately. Things that are out of my control. It looks like I'll just have to keep proving myself. The question that pops to mind is, "Just how much do I have to convince you?"
Maybe it is a good thing.

Check out who's coming to SonicFest 2005!!! I wonder if I can take off to go! Haha!!

Here's something I wrote about UIP last week.

"When I arrived in 3 Signal Battalion more than a month ago, I was thinking to myself, “Here I am! After more than 8 months of trainee life, I’ve finally arrived at my unit.”

Boy, oh boy. How wrong I was. The Unit Induction Phase was still there waiting. Don’t get me wrong. I never thought that unit life would be slack. I just assumed that the days of being treated like dirt were over. After being in Basic Military Training, School of Infantry Specialists and Signal Institute (SI wasn’t that bad), I thought unit life would a more mature working experience.

The idea of having a Unit Induction Phase (read: tekan session) is a pretentious one at best. I find that there’s no actual useful purpose in holding these sessions. I would rather they incorporated it into a training program so that we can learn something more effectively. But of course, the answer that can always be shot back at me would be, “This is the army. Get used to it”.

My philosophy on army life would be to take everything in your stride without complaining or whining. If I wanted to complain about army, I would have had ample opportunities in the past 8 months to do so. I would try to look for the positive points in people or situations. I find that doing this keeps me sane.

An incident that comes to mind was when we had our first tekan session. A stand-by bed that was conducted by our Platoon Sergeant. He tried to wear us out with push-ups, shouting, change parades, field pack inspections, stand-by-beds and timings for every activity. But we came out the stronger. I'd like to think that we surprised them by how resilient we were. All the strenuous activity that they dished out at us could do was to make me smile at my bunkmates and encourage them by saying, "Is this the best they've got?"

I initially thought that my Platoon Sergeant was being a pain because he didn’t like the way I responded to his questions. Every time he talked to me it was as if I was his worst enemy. His words were full scorn and disdain. I was telling myself after that week that all I needed was one reason to respect him and I would. It turns out that he’s a lot nicer than I thought and he’s won my respect. The reason why he talked to me in that way was because of the way I seemed to react to his instructions. He probably mistook me not understanding his questions and failing to answer them for disrespect.

The only thing that is getting me down is having athlete’s foot and a rash on my hands. I think its called eczema. I think its because of the amount of dust in my bunk. Even with the countless area cleaning that we do, it still doesn’t seem to help my problem. Its very much cleaner than when we first stepped foot into 3rd Signal Battalion but I don’t know why my rash is not going away.

Honestly, I like this place. I find that the people are nice and pleasant to work with. Its just that the Unit Induction Phase is too long. Its purpose could have been achieved already. I feel that its being dragged on just for sake of doing so. I’m trying my best but I can feel the morale dropping.

Sometimes I worry about the physical condition of our men as well. Some of them haven’t been conditioned to this sort of treatment like we have. I find that the specialist are able to take it because of the extra 3 months we had in SISPEC but the men are straight out from BMT and SI. Just hope that we’ll be able to take good care of them and prevent them from falling out.

In conclusion to my thoughts on UIP, I would think that it has already served its purpose. Although tying it together with our training would make it more meaningful. Also, the duration of UIP could be shortened to a month. It isn’t the lack of privileges that bother me. I would rather that we be treated normally."
| 3SG DARYL GOH TIZHI |

I crave the weekends. This is similar to SISPEC except that its not as packed. I ran 6km on tuesday, soccer on tuesday night, ran SOC 4 times clean fatigue but with pushups in between every obstacle on thursday, 5km battalion run on friday. And always the increasing fear of turn outs and tekan sessions. It doesn't help that my bunkmates are always talking about our instructors and how unfair things are and how as sergeants we should have to be treated like that anymore. But I always say army is army. I try to get them to cheer up and stop complaining and sometimes it helps, but if it doesn't I just have to retreat to my corner of the bunk and put on my earphones.

Soon I'll be posted to one of 2 platoons. One will be dealing with computers but with longer peace-time days and the other will be dealing with lines and telephones and have strenuous days only on exercises... I don't like to make decisions like these... I'd rather let God decide cos the decisions I make almost always turns out to be the wrong one.

::: Song of the Day :::
My heart is captivated Lord, by You alone
captured by the awesomeness of You alone
melted by the grace and mercy You have shown
I stand in wonder

I reach to you the one who make the blind eyes see
who breaks the chains of sickness with authority
restoring of what was broken
so it may fly again

I live to worship you
I breathe to worship to you
all of my days, your face I'll seek

For as I worship you
You lead me to that place
To that place of divine exchange
| hillsong united - divine exchange |

What a week!! I just got out from a week of 'tekan'-ing in camp. Ok maybe it wasn't the whole week but it was really tiring. They tried to wear us out with push-ups, shouting, change parades, field pack inspections, stand-by-beds and timings for every activity. 5 hours of that at one go. But we came out the stronger. I'd like to think that we surprised them by how resilient we were. All the strenuous activity that they dished out at us could do was to make me smile at my bunkmates and say to them, "Is this the best they've got?"

The only thing thats getting me down is having athelete's foot and a slight rash on my hands. I think its because of the amount of dust in my bunk. Its very much cleaner than when we first stepped foot into 3rd Signal Battalion but I dunno why its not going away. I'm trusting God for my complete healing though.

The only downside to my week was the fact that I swore at my bunkmate after the whole 'tekan' session. It was like the first time that I intentionally swore at someone in about 5 years. He's the type of guy who can really get on your nerves. The kind who needs attention. He's a big guy who acts like a little kid, which makes it hard to take him seriously sometimes. Especially when he acts like an absolute fool in front of our men. Anyway, nothing justifies me having to resort to that so I really regret saying what I did. I felt really tired immediately after. As if I was winded after a long run. I was really disappointed in myself... Especially after Patricia just spoke to us about walking in love 2 weeks ago. Gotta try harder!